91 road being prepared for death. While North Korean refugee women did not realize in North Korea that their unequal position was one of ‘second-class people’, during their lives in China they came to understand that their situation in China was even worse than that of second-class people as they did not have any legal or social rights. This new awareness developed into thoughts like ‘They accept people like us’, ‘As we are fellow Koreans, it is a place that allows you to breathe’, ‘I want to live the rest of my life by trying my best and by working as much as I can’. When you go to South Korea, places to make money are totally great, I thought. And even though you have a life for the time being [in China], people are uneasy without a citizenship. Because you don’t know when, at what moment you will be caught, first of all, you don’t feel at ease. I couldn’t live like that, not because I didn’t like people but because I didn’t have a citizenship. From a human perspective, it is bad of me that I even had a child and still came like this. But I also had to live without a citizenship in the country of another people. … There, because unconditionally, when you are a &orth Korean, everyone gets arrested, I couldn’t breathe. So I couldn’t help but think I have to go even if it’s just in order to have a citizenship. In this country, as they give you a citizenship, [I thought] let me have a new family in this country and start anew. (Ham Nanhui, 2009, 2-4) People like us, where on earth can we go? But there was this hill called South Korea, if I put my life on the line and go there, if I go there without dying on the way, they will accept me, also give me a citizenship, and I will be able to live. Instead of living like this, let’s go, even if I die on the way, let’s go and see. Instead of living as less than a human being, I thought it’s better to go and with this thought I left. … I can’t live on Chinese soil, I can’t go to &orth Korea, so I will go to South Korea even if I die on the way. You have to leave when you’ve reached this kind of determination, otherwise you will regret it later. (Kim Jinsun, 2009, 1-4) &o matter how good my life in China was, I always felt uneasy. You can’t feel relaxed. Because I didn’t know at what moment I would be arrested. But if only I could openly say that I’m a Korean, I could have said at least some more words! But when you are in China you can’t say a single word and you are always weary. I thought if I come to South Korea, as I am a South Korean national I will be a little honourable and feel a little relaxed, and then afterwards, even though I lived in hiding every day [on my way] through third countries, but still, how can I say this, [I thought] now I’m also a South Korean national, I have this kind of sense of honour, I have self-esteem, I have had hard times but came to South Korea as a &orth Korean defector, I should now live a worthwhile, a good life. (Son Yeongju, 2009, 3-4) My first thought was ‘I should go to South Korea and get a citizenship. At first, this thought. You know, living in China, even in China, even there working, eating, and living is alright, to be honest, even better than living in South Korea. … If it’s just about living, China was good, that’s what I think. ... I want to really live the rest of my life by trying my best and by working as much as I can in the Republic of Korea, this kind of thought made me come to the Republic of Korea. (Yun Huijeong, 2009, 25)