“When women believe that abuse is a normal part of relationships, abusive men are unlikely to be condemned for their actions.” Samoa Family Health & Safety Study 2000, Inquiry document 83 This is the situation which Samoa now finds itself in. The majority of people recognize that family violence is a major problem. It is hard not to when people are getting stabbed in the streets in broad daylight. 25 However, at the same time large sections of society either benefit from the patriarchal system (justifying the use of violence to protect the gender hierarchy), or have internalized these justifications as a protection mechanism against further harm. It has developed into a situation whereby effective change will only be possible by both groups coming to understand the justifications they believe to be true are fallacies, either designed to reinforce the status quo or having that effect. 7.2.8 Language The social hierarchy between men and women, which facilitates the controlling environment out of which violence arises, is even reinforced in the language that is used. “The kind of language used regarding women and their position in families fuels harmful attitudes against women. For example, using the word ‘itupa vaivai’ or ‘weak gender’ to refer to women, and ‘itupa malosi’ or ‘strong gender’ to refer to men.” Samoa Law Reform Commission, CEDAW Legislative Compliance Review, Inquiry document 89 Language matters, as the Inquiry has already found in relation to the impact of verbal abuse on both children and adults within the family setting. Constantly being referred to as the weaker gender is a simple linguistic way of reinforcing the patriarchal society and the hierarchy between men and women at the heart of family violence. Overall, between the way in which children are raised, the gender hierarchy of a patriarchal society, and masculinity expectations, it is inevitable that violence will rear its ugly head both within and outside the family unit. Many perpetrators of violence who came before the Inquiry often knew deep down that what they were doing was wrong but failed to take responsibility. Some felt that this was the only way of dealing with situations. “I tried hard to be a good man but unfortunately no one ever told me what a good man looked like, what a good man does. Because all of the men I’ve known in my life perpetuated violence and that’s all I knew.” Inquiry public consultations participant 25 See “Stabbing horror in Apia.” Samoa Observer. (18 January 2018). Document 113 Inquiry anthology, accessible at www.ombudsman.gov.ws.