don’t want to talk to me. So, it is give and take, so it shuts you out because you tried. (Pākehā 1 focus group) Our son…He'd always loved doing kapa haka, had done it since Year 5, and somebody had said to him he was white and shouldn't be doing kapa haka. And since then he hasn't joined the kapa haka group…my son had been ridiculed for wanting to do that group…He gave it his all but for a white kid, being told no he shouldn't be doing it, and he also stopped wearing his pounamu around his neck. (European focus group) Mixed messages of acceptance and hate: Pacific participants noted how Pacific rugby players were embraced for their sporting prowess and at the same time subjected to racist taunts. Some players were called monkeys and gorillas… [They are] good enough to be bought over for the skills and talent but still not accepted in the community and the society that they live in. (Fijian focus group) 5.2.3. Experiences of double-marginalisation Intra-ethnic experiences of racism were commonly noted by Māori and Pacific focus groups. Participants highlighted being judged by their own because of an inability to speak ethnic languages, having different coloured skin, accents, length of time in Aotearoa New Zealand, village or tribal affiliation. Those that were not raised or confident in traditional cultural practices also felt judged and stigmatised by other members of their own ethnic groups. I’m always told that I’m not Māori and that hurts a lot more than some Pākehā that says something bad about me. When it comes from someone in your own culture from someone who speaks well and is immersed in it and gives that ideal of what a Māori should be like, that to me is upsetting and has more impact on how I feel about myself. (Te Ika-a-Māui Māori focus group) 5.3. Internalised racism21 Interviewed providers and all non-Pākehā focus groups described numerous experiences of internalised racism primarily across the wellbeing domains of cultural identity, subjective wellbeing and social connections. 5.3.1. Cultural identity It's the white way and it's the right way, and if we want to get a certain job, we have to speak the language, we have to look the part. And a lot of that means we have to leave 21 Acceptance by those stigmatised in negative messaging about themselves and their own race. (Jones, 2000) www.malatest-intl.com Drivers of racism – March 2021 57