Training Module on the Right to Mental Health for the Security Sector forgetting things,” are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there is no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. • Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it will not make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). o Logic defeats anger because anger, even when it is justified, can quickly become irritational. So, use cold hard logic on yourself. o Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you”. You are just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it will help you get a more balanced perspective. o Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, and willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are hurt and disappointed when we do not get them. Disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or “I must have” something. o When you are unable to get what you want, you will experience normal reactions like frustration, disappointment, hurt but not anger. Some angry people use anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that does not mean that the hurt goes away. 3. Problem Solving • Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by real and inescapable problems in our lives. • Not all anger is misplaced, and often it is a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is a belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this is not always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. • Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer does not come right away. • If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into an all-or-nothing mindset even if the problem does not get solved right away. 4. Better Communication • 27 Angry people tend to jump to – and act on – conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you are in a heated discussion is to slow down and think through your responses.