The SOLER method Listening “Listening is the most important skill and, often, the most challenging,” says Paccial. This is because people think that when they just listen and not talk, they aren’t doing anything useful. On the contrary, “listening to [someone] does not mean you are doing nothing,” says Paccial. By listening, “you are allowing space for the person to talk.” When they get this space, people feel accepted, significant, respected, understood, and seen. To listen well, make sure you do the following: • • Give the person time to speak. Do your best to not interrupt them. Listen with the purpose of understanding what they are saying. Focus on their words, not on what you want to say next. • Tune out external distractions, such as background noise. • Say verbal prompts, including: “Please continue,” “Oh, I see,” “Go on,” and “Say more about this or that.” In his book The Skilled Helper, Gerard Egan, professor emeritus of Loyola University Chicago, gives a concrete guide for non-verbal behavior. He calls it SOLER: • S – Sit facing the person at a 5 o’clock angle so it keeps you from staring. • O – Maintain an open posture. Uncross your arms and legs; crossing them may appear unwelcoming. • L – Lean slightly towards the person you’re talking to. It will show that you are interested in what they’re saying. E – Sustain eye contact; but don’t stare. • • Quick read: • Non-verbal communication is as important as talking. • Listening is the most important communication skill. It gives people the space to talk. • Body language that is open, encouraging, and kind is tantamount to telling someone, “I’m here with you and for you.” • When in doubt, follow the SOLER method: Sit squarely or at a slight angle from the person you are talking to; an Open posture demonstrates your availability; Lean forward to show your interest; maintain steady Eye contact without staring; and be Relaxed and natural. Body language Physical behavior, gestures, and mannerisms can be clear methods of communication, too. As you listen, see to it that your nonverbal behavior reflects openness and kindness; not pity. The following mannerisms and gestures can get you on the right track: • Lean forward and maintain steady eye contact. • Nod to show that you are listening and understanding what the person is saying. • Avoid fidgeting, staring, and smirking. • Keep from looking at your phone or the clock. To help you do this, turn off your phone or put it on silent mode. R – Relax. By doing so, the person you’re talking to will also loosen up. Sources: Kawabata, M., Gastaldo, D. (2015, November 22). The Less Said, the Better: Interpreting Silence in Qualitative Research. SAGE Journals. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1609406915618123\ Taylor, R. (2015, August 9). Marina Abramović: The Artist is Present. Smart History. https://smarthistory.org/marinaabramovic-the-artist-is-present/ Paccial, R. (2021, July 15). Learning Sessions on the Right to Mental Health—CHR: Dignity of All [Webinar]. Commission on Human Rights. Segal, J., Smith, M., Robinson, L., and Boose, G. (2022). Nonverbal Communication and Body Language. HelpGuide. https:// www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm Egan, G., (2013, January). The Skilled Helper. Cengage Learning. 39 40