How to Speak to Someone with a Mental Health Condition “When speaking with someone living with a mental health condition, the language you use must be respectful and accepting,” says Rodelen Paccial, M.D., of Mariveles Wellness and General Hospital. Without being condescending, it’s vital for you to carefully choose your words as the wrong ones may come off as insensitive, offensive, or incompassionate. “The messages you give need to be clear, positive, and must show that you see that person as a [complete] individual,” says Paccial. He goes on to give suggestions on what you can say—and not say—to a person living with a mental health condition. What to say: • “How would you like me to address you?” If you are speaking to an acquaintance or a patient, this tells the person that you care about their opinion, and would like them to be comfortable around you. • “What can I do to help?” Sometimes, a prompt like this question helps the person focus on what they do need help with—whether it’s groceries, laundry, or something else. And when they’re asked directly, they sometimes find the courage to ask for help. 35 • “I can just listen if you want.” Let them know that any kind of support is valid. Give them your opinion if they ask for it. Otherwise, you are there to just listen. • “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Some days are just more challenging than others.” Acknowledging anyone’s feelings, whether they have mental health issues or not, makes people feel valued and seen. Saying this tells the person that you understand what they’re going through. • “How do you feel about what happened?” “Never assume you know what they’re feeling and thinking,” says Paccial. “When you assume, you will be revealing your biases.” What not to say: • “Take a walk in the sun, eat more veggies, and sleep more. You’ll snap right out of it.” Although sunlight, vegetables, and sleep do make people healthier, those living with mental health disorders cannot be healed only by rays, greens, and some shut-eye. Often, they need professional intervention. And that’s what they should get. • “Are you sure it’s not all in your head?” One of the worst things you can do is make the person feel like what they are going through is insignificant. A person’s mental health issues cast a shadow on their entire existence constantly. Don’t dismiss them just because you can’t see the shadow. • “I get you. I once got depressed watching Titanic.” You are trying to see things from their perspective; that’s good. But to compare depression with what might have been a few tears you shed watching Jack Dawson freeze to death minimizes the person’s depression. Stop at “I get you,” but only say it if you really do. • “But you have a steady job, a family, and a home. Why are you still sad?” Most probably, the person has already asked themselves this question countless times. You don’t need to further invalidate their struggle. 36